The Gospel of Travis
The life and exploits of the Thirteenth Apostle, one called Travis - a satirical gospel for the age of prosperity gospel and Christian nationalism.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Forward - An Academic Apologizes in Advance - "So I say again: pretty much everything known about this manuscript, called The Gospel of Travis, is contested by scholars. Its authorship is uncertain. Its authenticity is up for debate. Its date of composition - even the decade or century of the writing - is at best a complicated story." (posted 12/2/2025)
Chapter 1 - The Minister and the Merchandizer - "'You there, fishman!' called out Travis. 'I know this John the Baptist of which you speak and sold several headless busts of him to a local noblewoman for use as party favors. Of whom do you speak when you talk of this new preacher?'" (posted 12/2/2025)
Chapter 2 - The Wedding at Magdala - "'Who is this man, who with a word from his lips can turn turgid water into sweet, delicious wine?'" (posted 12/2/2025)
Chapter 3 - If You Wish to be Perfect - "'I know them. Of course I know them,' declared Travis with great indignation. 'I know all of the commandments. They’re great. Each one better than the last. I only asked so that I know which ones to emphasize first.'" (posted 12/2/2025)
Chapter 4 - The Sermon in the Hills - “Blessed are those who create jobs, I say: the job creators. For they are the shepherds among the sheep.” (posted 12/9/2025)
Chapter 5 - The Finest of Mats - "Then I will declare to them solemnly, 'I never knew you. Depart from me, you evildoers.'" (posted 12/15/2025)
Chapter 6 - Travis Heals the Wealthy - "'This oil is not cheap, but if you act now and buy in bulk, I can promise you a modest discount.'" (posted 12/30/2025)
Chapter 7 - Travis Expounds on Women - “'And this has nothing to do with my mother, by the way,' ejaculated Travis, 'if that’s what you’re thinking.'” (posted 1/6/2026)
Chapter 8 - Travis Tattles to the Pharisees - "'He has some fantastic teachings about love and mercy. Really life altering stuff... He also has some wild beliefs about women and poor people and I just sort of wonder whether those are strictly legal. From a Mosaic Law standpoint.'" (posted 1/13/2026)
Chapter 9 - The Curing of a Demoniac - "'I’ll bet you a denarius he does not heal him,' replied Travis with a sly grin." (posted 1/20/2026)
Chapter 10 - Travis Haggles with a Demon - "Travis licked the fish grease from his lips and said, 'How much wealth and privilege are we talking?'" (posted 1/27/2026)
Chapter 11 - Something About a Camel Eye - "'Would you and our brethren Apostles be open to an image of Jesus where his features are less Semitic?" (posted 2/3/26)
Chapter 12 - Jesus Raises Lazarus, Travis Raises Funds - "'No one can serve two masters. He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.'" (posted 2/10/26)
Chapter 13 - The Greatest Commandment - “Come on. The Samaritan..? The dirty, treacherous Samaritan? No... They’re not even supposed to be in Judaea anyway. What was he doing on this road? The Samaritan was probably robbing and beating someone else!" (posted 2/17/26)
Chapter 14 - coming soon!
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*This "gospel" is actually a piece of satire and totally fictitious (except for any dialogue from Jesus, which was taken from the actual gospels). Please don't think this is real. I am not trying to start a cult.