THE GOSPEL OF TRAVIS - Chapter Nineteen

THE ACTS OF TRAVIS
For forty days Jesus appeared before his chosen disciples, performing many signs and speaking about the kingdom of God and hanging out for a bit too. At the end of their time together, the Lord rose up into the heavens where a very nice cloud took him from their sight.

Not long after, the Holy Spirit went down among the Apostles, appearing like tongues of flame above their heads, and they were given the power to perform such wondrous deeds as have ever been seen. Overcome with zeal and joy, the Apostles burst out into the streets of Jerusalem, proclaiming the good news of Jesus in every language spoken there. People from as far as Parthia, Media, Cyrenaica and Rome were astounded to hear the good news spoken in their own native tongues. Even the Cretans heard the word spoken, and Cretan is a very niche language. A tiny island, Crete. Great olives and a couple of nice beaches, but not a lot of travelers come from there. Plenty of goats, though.

The fervor of the believers was so great and the din so loud that some onlookers believed them to be drunk, even though as Peter pointed out it was only 9 o’clock in the morning.

Though quite the spectacle, Travis witnessed none of this, nor was he visited by the Holy Spirit. For indeed Travis had been visited earlier by another greater spirit, which was the spirit of enterprise.

For while the other Apostles had hidden themselves away for forty days speaking with Jesus, Travis had been busy. Realizing he needed something to lend himself a whiff of legitimacy, he procured the funerary pillow upon which Jesus had laid his head in the tomb and, spiriting this relic away with him, returned to Tiberias to begin what he knew would become his life’s work.

THE MEGAGOG
After some time, it came to be that the Apostles decided to go forth and spread the word of God to the ends of the earth.

Now, Thomas and Travis still had many family members in common who lived around the sea of Galilee, many of whom Thomas still held in fond regard. Knowing that his mission would take him far to the east and that it might be a very long time before he could return to his homeland, if ever he returned at all, Thomas decided to come home and see some loved ones.

While catching up with his Aunt over lunch, he heard many not-at-all distressing stories of what Travis had built in Tiberias, his various plans and ambitions. In between many courses of dates and bread and cheese and stew, for the Aunt forever worried that Thomas was not eating enough, the old woman implored Thomas to go down to see his kinsman and to witness what Travis had wrought.

Upon arriving in the city that his cousin called home, Thomas found the skyline dominated by a huge, brand new, gleaming white plaster building, square and featureless in shape. He stood on the street in its looming shadow, awed by the sheer size of the hulking structure. Above the entrance to the building was written in golden lettering the words “First Megagog Ministry of Jesus Messiah, Travis the Thirteenth Apostle Pastor.”

After some time spent gawking, Thomas shook away his disbelief, pushed open the massive carved wooden doors and entered.

Therein he found a cavernous space filled with empty chairs, the room lined by countless white plaster statues. He looked closely at them and found that they looked a bit like Jesus only Greeker, for the Son of God’s face had clearly been altered to have less Semitic facial features.

“Cousin!” called out Travis, who had been busy fluffing the funerary pillow at the back of the hall when first he noticed his entrance. “What a surprise to see you! Welcome! Welcome to my ministry!”

The two greeted one another with a familial hug, though Thomas could hardly take his eyes off the remarkable view before him. “What is this place?” he asked with what Travis assumed to be much reverence.

“This is the Megagog. My innovation. It’s an extra large Synagog, designed with comfort and class and acoustics in mind. Also on the premises, I keep my residence and a well stocked gift shop. One day soon, this room will be full of followers who shall hang on my every word, waiting for me to share the good news of the Lord Jesus with them.”

“Ah hah,” said Thomas. “And these sculptures?”

“Yes. I finally found something to do with all of that merchandise I made. You should visit the shop. I would happily give you a three percent discount on certain items. I’ve even taken the liberty to make more goods to sell, for I am expecting huge growth in the religion market soon. In fact, I made so many trinkets and pieces of branded apparel that the weight of it crushed my camel, poor thing. But the sacrifice will be well worth it, for with the income off of the new sales I could purchase a hundred other, better, sleeker camels. And besides, I have been eating off the dried camel jerky now for weeks.”

“So you are selling these baubles to the people?”

“How do you think I paid for this beautiful building? Although, in truth, I financed it using a loan. But I will pay that loan off using the proceeds.”

“Proceeds,” repeated Thomas.

“Did I not try to teach you all about the limitless potential for the message of the Lord Jesus? Indeed I did try, but I was turned away by Peter and James and all the rest. For your hearts were hard and cold as stones.

“Those who believe and who are willing to speak the words of God will be rewarded with riches and security, not just in the next life but in this life as well. And when the Kingdom of God is at hand, they shall each have a villa in heaven. Provided they make their down payment here, to me, which they can pay in one lump sum or else in several easy installments with a modest interest rate applied.

“If you would like to see these villas in heaven, I have had plans drawn up. They’re very classy and tasteful. Nobody has ever seen villas so nice as these. For a few extra payments, we can install gold wash basins in the latrine. You have not truly washed yourself until you’ve done so in a gold wash basin.”

Thomas’s jaw seemed to drop in amazement. “You’re selling imaginary property in heaven to poor people here and keeping the profits?”

“Not ‘poor people,’ Thomas. You and the rest of the Apostles can minister to the poors. Let me be the Apostle to the Rich. For do not the rich need salvation too? And if those rich people can be lightened of their load a bit while they live, will it not make their passage through the eye of the needle into heaven that much easier?”

But then the spirit of Satan must have entered Thomas, for he rebuffed Travis with the most vile words, saying, “We are called to be shepherds among men, protecting our flock and guiding them to the promised land. Instead you propose to fleece them and toss their carcasses over the cliff. Do not you fear for your soul, to betray your charges thus?”

To this, Travis replied, “Do not shepherds sheer the wool from their flock? Do not shepherds sell and cook the meat of the mutton? I say to you, the sheep are the property over which the shepherd has dominion. If we are to be shepherds, or fishmen, or whatever else we say we are called to be, then can we not use our dominion as we see fit? No, cousin, my soul will be fine. It is yours I worry for.
“I hear tales about your community in Jerusalem, how you force everyone to sell their possessions and redistribute their wealth to each according to their needs. Are you surprised that I know the details of your living communalist nightmare? Oh yes, for I have heard other of your disciples and followers bragging about it like a gaggle of foolish children.

“You all imagine yourselves doing the will of God, but in fact you reward indolence and punish profit making. Do you think this is how to run a society? Do you think this is how you have a Kingdom of God on earth, with no ambition but only laziness?

“Shame on you all for turning the people into loafers.

“Now be gone from this Megagog,” said Travis to the demon inside of his cousin. “I do not want you here, and besides I am holding services within the hour. The last thing I need is some do-gooder getting in the way of my ministry. Now if you will excuse me, all of this bickering has defluffed the funerary pillow and I must see to its fluffery.”

At that, Thomas was struck dumb. Perhaps the demon, having lost its temporary control over his faculties, relinquished Thomas back to himself. Either way, he must have understood the wisdom of Travis’s words, or else could not think of a good argument to them.

Realizing that trying to dissuade Travis from his true calling would only result in more heartache, Thomas left the Megagog and Tiberias, never to return again.