THE GOSPEL OF TRAVIS - Chapter Six

TRAVIS’S HEALING MISSION

The Apostles went out among the people of Judaea to do the bidding of Jesus and to heal the infirm.

Many went to the countryside and to the villages to tend to the lepers and the blind amongst the farmers and the shepherds.

Many more went into the towns and the cities to work amongst the hungry and the forgotten, driving away bad spirits and providing soothing balm for broken hearts.

Travis, however, went into the affluent neighborhoods and the nicer villas of the wealthy, figuring that if the forgotten are to be remembered first then those who are normally first must necessarily be forgotten, creating a nifty paradox and an exciting new market of well-off clientele for him to exploit.

So he came into the bathhouses and the upscale eateries, presenting himself before the wealthy and proclaiming the word of God. Announcing that Jesus had sent him specifically to them, he offered to rid the rich of a bevy of diseases, such as gout, erectile dysfunction and the scourge of sagging skin.

All this he promised to them. And if a modest fee made it back to Travis to eventually donate when the time was right, then so much the better.

And yet, proclaim as he might the goodness of the Lord, he could not heal them.

He tried laying hands upon them. He tried spitting on them or slathering them with mud. Out of desperation, he even poked them with needles and cracked their backs, performing every wild and unusual act his tired mind could imagine. But try as he might, his healing powers remained hidden from use, a mystery to him.

THE WRINGING OF THE SNAKE

It was during this time when Travis, exhausted from his travels and discouraged by his travails, stopped along the road to rest beneath a great cedar tree. He leaned against a boulder and began to unwrap a piece of dried fish, his most favorite meal. However as he started to pick at the fish’s flesh, he noticed a snake slithering upon the very same boulder whereupon he was resting.

Travis leaped up, his heart pounding and his hair standing on end, for he was afraid for his life. But after a brief moment of terrified weakness in which he shrieked and shrieked and shrieked, Travis soon regained his calm, for he recognized the type of snake before him and saw that it was not poisonous.

No longer in danger, he picked up a rock to smash the creature’s skull in but noticed it had left a slimy trail of oil across the stone face. He knelt down and ran his finger through the trail.

“What fabulous miracle is this,” asked Travis aloud to nobody, “that a snake would bring me such an oil to heal the masses? Surely this snake must be sent by God!”

The snake hissed and bared its teeth at him, so Travis crushed it beneath the rock.

Travis wrung the snake dry of its oil, as well as several other snakes besides which he found nearby in a nest. He wrung them and wrung them so hard that his breath became short, his wrists became tired and his palms began to blister.

Finally, once he had captured the unctuous liquid from all these snakes in some stoneware and decided on the right branding to place upon his packaging, he returned to the villas. There he bestowed upon the patriarchs and matriarchs and their extended families and friends vials of snake oil.

“Behold this oil which, when applied to the body, cures all ailments in the name of our Lord,” proclaimed Travis everywhere he stopped. “Only, the oil must be reapplied daily until the ailment has gone away. This oil is not cheap, but if you act now and buy in bulk, I can promise you a modest discount.”

A RUN IN WITH JUDAS

In such a way Travis spent his healing ministry catering to those in need. And though his oil never seemed to fully heal his patients, still the good in his deeds was most evident to him and in the minds of the people whom he helped. For hope is a kind of medicine which, when properly applied, can lessen the need for a permanent remedy.

Before long he had collected a tidy sum of money that Travis set aside to give as alms - again, when the time felt right. Until then, Travis reasoned, it could accrue a modest interest in his bank account and that interest could make most excellent seed money for some of his other ventures.

For indeed, Travis had just begun to design an intricate scheme to help spread the use of the oil as well as other powders and tinctures, which all together he called pharmakons. As he travelled between wealthy estates, he daydreamed about expanding product lines and distribution models, and those dreams may well have become reality except by chance he came across Judas Iscariot, tending to some lepers outside of Capernaum.

“I think I recognize you,” said Judas. “The one with the bad plaster busts of Herod, right?”

“I am Travis, the thirteenth Apostle,” he replied, rather testily for the lack of recognition was beginning to feel like an intentional slight. “I know your name, Judas. You cannot extend me the same favor? Also, I make other busts. They’re not all Herods. Have you never heard of Shmuley the Goat?”

“Is that the goat renowned for its cuteness? I believe I’ve heard my nieces and nephews speak of it.”

“The very same goat. Without me, that goat would have been,” Travis considered for a moment. “Well, he would have still been a goat. Still, it gives me great pride to hear that your kin are fans. You know, Judas, I feel like you and I have much in common and could be close friends if you just let me in. I can be a powerful ally.”

Judas gave him a blank look before asking, “What are you doing out here?”

“One of my patrons, errrr, patients lives in a villa that overlooks the sea.”

“Ah hah. And what are these sacks full of coin upon your camel?”

Travis looked to his trusted camel, upon whom hung three sacks so full of silver that they were overflowing. The camel lifted his tail and let out a trumpeting fart.
“Those belong to, uhhh-”

“Because they look like alms,” continued Judas. “You were of course planning to bring this treasure directly to the poor, were you not?”

Travis winced. “Of course I was. When the time is right-”

“Because it would look very bad for you to be wandering the hillsides of Judaea with so much treasure while the Lord our Savior-”

“I already said I would donate it,” interjected Travis.

“Then let us go before Jesus and provide our brethren with the funds this very day, so that the others may help mete out the money to the needy,” said Judas. “Besides, I grow tired of standing in the cloud of this camel’s fart.”

“Yes, it’s most unpleasant and has a grassy quality to it that turns the stomach,” admitted Travis.

And so, they returned immediately to Jesus’s side and gave away Travis’s take. And though he looked cheerful on the outside, inside his chest the feelings of resentment began to roil. He knew that his rightful earnings had been taken from him by none other than Judas.

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